Mr. Murder Goes on Vacation

The weather is warming up, which means that people will inevitably start taking vacations. I’ll be hitting the beach next month, The Gimp is taking off two weeks to chill and go play Army (he’s in the Reserves), and this week Serialkiller is off to go fishing. It’s not really what people do that’s important; it’s the fact that they’re gone. Depending on who leaves it’s like a little vacation for those left behind. Such as when Stonehenge Mouth was out for over a month for his bypass surgery and it was near bliss. The only problem was that people misconstrued my sentiments when I said I hope he doesn’t come back and interpreted it as me wishing he would die. Minor difference, but still…

When Serialkiller goes on vacation there’s always at least a day where even though he’s physically not there, he’s still there in spirit. He sends us emails from his Blackberry asking status of certain issues, or just something stupid like “What does my out of office message say?” This could be understandable if Serialkiller was anyone of even minor importance, but instead he’s a nobody ticket monkey like the rest of us and the effort is more conceit than efficiency or dedication. What's worse is that when Serialkiller is gone, we really don’t feel the impact at all. Why? Because his only job is to answer e-mails. Instead of him answering emails it’s just divvied up amongst the rest of us which doesn’t really cause us much more work

Don’t get me wrong. I have no illusions that anyone misses me when I go on vacation however I, like most everyone else in The Cubes, get comments when I come back like “Glad you’re back” or “We missed you” even if it is all lies. When someone like Serialkiller or Stonehenge Mouth comes back it’s a sense of dread and complaints. The truth is that there are some people that you dislike working with so much you would rather be inconvenienced with more work and responsibility than have to go another day with someone that makes you break computer mice whenever they walk up to you. Or ask your boss in front of everyone else “So when is Stonehenge Mouth getting fired?” Or offer to do the work of two people all alone at night rather than spend another night dealing with the lies, complaints, and ineptitude of Shitpants McPooperton.

The sad thing is that vacation is finite. In many cases, just firing them would be so much more enjoyable. What you have to worry about is whether the replacements will be worse than the ones you’re getting rid. Just like it’s true that there’s always someone better, it’s also true that there’s always someone worse. Maybe The Executioner and I should conspire to get someone axed just to see what happens. Just a thought…