The Man

The Cubers have a game called The Man. It’s our version of being “it” or “tag” or “man with the ball”. Unlike being it in a game of tag, there’s no pride in being The Man. It’s not something you can just pass off, and if you conspire to make someone else The Man, you have just dissed them in the most extreme way possible. People will complain about being The Man. They’ll say they’re tired of being The Man. Why can’t someone else be The Man?

So what is The Man? It’s simple. When you are The Man, you are the one that has either been sacrificed or decided to be Tweedle Dee and Stonehenge Mouth’s best friends. The Gimp had long been the reluctant king of being The Man. He had been duped into having lunch with Tweedle Dee, and because of their schedules even had to get a ride with him once when his car broke down. Somehow The Gimp had managed to avoid Stonehenge Mouth’s wrath, but the degree and frequency in which he got stuck with Tweedle Dee it didn’t really matter. But when Beardface joined the Cubers, things began to change.

Beardface is new to the Call Center, but not to the company. He’s a veteran who has worked in just about every facet of IT that the company covers or needs. Regardless, I felt the need to warn him about Tweedle Dee and Stonehenge Mouth. I figured since I was going to have to work at night with him, I should do him a solid and give him the heads up. He didn’t heed that warning, wondering how bad it could be. Two days later it nearly came to blows between Beardface and Stonehenge Mouth. He managed to find some sort of common ground with Tweedle Dee and took pity on him, but his attitude towards Stonehenge Mouth was one of severe and extreme hatred.

What really did it for Beardface was the fact that Stonehenge Mouth is Army, and he’s Marines. Now that alone isn’t enough to cause violence, but the fact that Stonehenge Mouth thinks it’s no end of fun to “joke” around about Marines being pussies or telling some of the more colorful military jokes (in which the branch of service is pretty much interchangeable, but no less insulting) with such verve and spite that I felt compelled to jump him and I had no pride to insult. The sad part is that Stonehenge Mouth thinks he’s being entertaining and he has a new friend. This has been a solid week of heckling from that scraggly alien looking redneck.

Beardface complained today about how quiet The Gimp is. He said he had tried to start conversations with him and he just didn’t say much more than agreeing or nodding. I whispered to Beardface to call him the man, and I obviously wasn’t quiet enough, because The Gimp jumped up and started going on in great length about how much it sucks to be The Man. It’s a game so nefarious that even the meek get animated. It’s nothing like Ninja Scare You. You don’t look forward to it. You don’t spend time planning your next time playing The Man, unless it’s how to avoid playing it. Maybe we need a new game.

I did the only thing I knew to do, go somewhere else. I spent most of the week hiding with the Sith Lord and Stalker Bait, who were Stonehenge Mouth’s targets early in the week when he was trying to start rumors about them. Sadly, I don’t think we’ve heard the end of their escapades. The sexual tension is mounting…