Ch..ch..ch..changes…

The last couple days have been packed with nutty goodness, like a big Snickers bar. Stonehenge Mouth was pulled aside at some point yesterday for a Come to Jesus Meeting with The JC. We all knew it was coming because we were told it was coming. Of course when he was asked to take a walk the whispers quickly began; was he being fired like Shitpants and someone was going to run to empty out his desk while they were meeting, maybe he was going to be moved to another shift, or were they giving him an ultimatum and one more fuckup and they’d lop off his balls? It was none of the above, just a simple stating of facts where they showed the mounting evidence that they knew he was a complete fuck knuckle. The surprising effect of the meeting was that when he came back he was absolutely quiet. I figured it would be non-stop bitching once The JC left, but he hasn’t said anything to anyone for the last two days unless absolutely necessary. He hasn’t said a single word to me, so I can only guess I was outed as the snitch, which I’m ok way.

There have also been a sudden string of job openings in The Cube in the last couple days. The funny thing is that no one really seemed to know where the openings were coming from because no one was leaving, that we knew of, and we knew the company was too cheap to add another member to the team. We were wrong on both counts. The Bronx Bitch, a woman who should have been fired years ago but the fear litigation has kept it from happening, will be leaving at the end of the month, to where no one knows or cares. They are also adding two new positions on the weekend which it seems me and Beardface are the front runners for either of them. To greet this great news was our punishment - a stack of resumes.

It seems that in order for us to be allowed to leave the Call Center and take up the weekend shift in another group we have to find our own replacements. Now being people with consciences we both agreed that we couldn’t really get away with just picking the first geek that passed a background check. Instead, we read through stacks of depressing resumes that made it seem like we might never make it out. There were some we knew whose personalities just would not mesh with the existing group (a consideration it seems was not considered during the last hiring round which brought us Tweedle Dee, Shitpants McPooperton, and Stonehenge Mouth), other s had blatantly lied on their resumes, and one had even invented a company complete with website to hide a 3 year gap in employment. I thought he was actually perfect for inclusion into the Royal Order of Cubers, but fraud seems to be frowned upon by Napoleon and The Shill.

Phone interviews start tomorrow, maybe you’ll be getting a call from me…I suggest lying extensively…